to my father

I never got a real goodbye

All I was left with were crying eyes. 

I used to call home my only safe place

Now Im left to carry your name while I walk around with your face

It's been years now that you've been away

And all I wish is that you would have stayed 

Been the person I always thought you were

I would still take your love, tainted or pure

The truth is that right now I want you here

To help and to guide and take away my fears

But now I know that your love was not mine to keep

The only place you will ever love me is in my sleep

All my dreams are that someday you'll miss me too

And all the tears I cry, I cry because of you

My long lost hero

My "used to be" best friend

I love you. I miss you. Yet I hate you so

But I've finally realized I need to let you go

You are my father but not my dad. 

I will always smile at the memories we once had. 

Lifting me on your toes in the living room as we would twirl. 

All I will ever want to be again, is daddy's little girl.

*the next few chapters of my story will talk about life after my mom left, struggles of high school, eating disorders, depression, the continuous battles that my family faced, and how my relationship with my father became to be so broken.*

Thank you to the thousands of you that have read, messaged, emailed, and showed support during this journey. I appreciate it all. It has been crazy to say the least, but prepare to continue to get to know the real Bailee that I am now ready to share with everyone. Let me remind you, this is only my side of many stories and events. However, I tell all truths. Here's to hope my friends.

xB

to the boy; not the man I thought he was

 H O M E 
I stare into your eyes, into your mind,

the place I once felt peace

But I knew the moment I touched you,

we were gone before you could shut the door.

Now I ache and I urge and I cling.

I pray and I hope and I dream,

that

someday you will realize without me,

you are short of the gold.

I molded to you as the sand

stuck to your skin.

Two perfect pieces of a puzzle,

I always thought we'd win.

Until you played destruction,

and you swung with my fragile heart.

Alone with shattered pieces

and you in control of the car.

I gave you everything,

but you wanted more.

You are so far gone I doubt you would

recognize the chambers of my heart,

let alone see me as 

the girl you once called home.

xB